Martini from the Top
The Friday martini posts continue this week with another photo from Ken Johnson’s photographic series “Ode to the Martini.” This one, “Take It from the Top,” offers a birds-eye view.
Photo © Ken Johnson. Used by permission.
The Banality of Evil
The web site “Evil Scale.com” allows you to rate individuals on the good/evil scale. Of course, George Bush wins the evil prize going away, scoring a substantially more evil score than his closest competition, Saddam Hussein. Number 3 on the list is Ronald Reagan, so that should tell you all you need to know about who visits this site.
Honorable mentions go to Stalin, Hitler, Cheney, and Colin Powell. Powell beats out Jeffrey Dahmer, Josef Mengele, Idi Amin, and Vlad the Impaler. Charles Manson is sandwiched between Donald Rumsfeld and Mike Huckabee. Scooter Libby edges out Lee Harvey Oswald.
Obama tops out the most good list, just nudging out George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Ghandi, and PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). Smokey the Bear beats Harriet Tubman, and Jack Kervorkian beats Santa Claus. Jesus Christ ranks a paltry 37th, scoring lower the Dwight Eisenhower and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Beatles beat God, Ron Paul tops JFK, and Gordon Lightfoot wins over the unfairly maligned Abominable Snowman.
Those who think our society has a problem distinguishing good and evil can find good anecdotal evidence here. Or maybe the problem is that kids need to turn off the computers and spend more time learning to play softball and musical instruments.
Mixtum non agitatum
Speaking of anthropologists, I found several notable items in the February 2006 obituary of William White Howells.
Howells died at the age of 97. - “Years before DNA tests would provide confirmation, the research of William White Howells established that modern humans are one species, regardless of skin color or ethnic origin.”
- He preferred his martinis stirred, not shaken.
- During World War II he served as a Navy Lieutenant doing intelligence work.
- He was a professor of anthropology at Harvard from 1954 to 1974.
- “For his 90th birthday, Dr. Howells received a silver martini shaker from his family, engraved with the Latin phrase ‘mixtum non agitatum.’”
So here’s to Dr. Howells, an anthropologist who deigned to serve in the military, an academic who kept his job despite what Hugh Gusterson describes as the great purge of left-leaning academics by McCarthy, and a man who knew that martinis should be stirred.
Steve Sailer described him affectionately as a “princeling of the old WASP Ascendency” and noted this unfortunate development:
Not surprisingly, these products of the Old Boys Network elicited much resentment from younger anthropologists from less privileged backgrounds. Ironically, the new meritocrats turned out, on the whole, to be lousier scientists than the old aristocrats, leading to the dismal status of anthropology today.
Image by Ken30684 - Creative Commons
Doing the Martini Math
Since we’re focused today on some of the differences between the sexes (math aptitude is not the only one), this item seems particularly appropriate for discussion at happy hour.
The A-6 Dude at “Dirty Martini” . . . Wait! Let’s contemplate this juxtaposition of labels for just a moment:
(You knew, of course, that Chester A. Arthur was the “Dude” President.)
A-6, being a dude (“American-English slang word generally used informally to address a male individual”), it’s just possible that his math skills are significantly higher than average. Or . . . significantly lower. You be the judge.
1. To find a Woman you need Time and Money. Therefore:
Woman = Time x Money
2. “Time is Money” so:
Time = Money
3. Therefore:
Woman = Money x Money
Woman = Money2
4. “Money is the root of all problems.”
Money = √Problems [square root of problems]
5. Therefore:
Woman = (√Problems)2
Woman = Problems
They are not likely to hire many male math professors for a while, so it’s good that A-6 Dude has found his niche in martinis, cigars, and aviation. He has a lot of martini recipes (some even using gin) and has just started a new site devoted entirely to martinis.
Image by Ken30684 - Creative Commons
The Omar Bradley
Eric Felton has an interesting column in The Wall Street Journal about the conflict between traditional “canonical” cocktails and the “rococo follies” of the new-school, “culinary cocktail” crowd. These two groups faced off recently in
The convention’s official cocktail smackdown featured six contestants who had 40 minutes to come up with original drinks. Each recipe had to contain either Grand Marnier or Navan vanilla liqueur (the contest’s corporate sponsors). And in a conceit lifted from the Food Network’s “Iron Chef” franchise, every one of the drinks had to make use of a “secret ingredient” announced just before the starter’s gun — in this case, ginger marmalade.
Arts & Ammo tends to take notice when people start bandying words about like canonical and rococo. I, of course, would line up with the canonical crowd. The martini is not a work in progress. However, it is worth keeping an eye open for new creations – just in case. Felton’s favorite also deserves special recognition on this site:
My marmalade drink of choice was created out of a rough and ready necessity. The G.I.’s favorite general, Omar Bradley, liked Old-Fashioneds, but who has fresh orange slices for muddling in the field? He improvised, adapted and overcame by mixing a spoonful of orange marmalade with his whiskey. I think it should be treated as a minor classic, and should bear the general’s name. It’s simple, pretty darn tasty, and 100% grasshopper-free.
The Omar Bradley:
2 oz bourbon or rye whiskey
1 tsp (heaping or not, to taste) orange marmalade
1 squeeze fresh lemon juice
1 dash Angostura bitters
Shake well with ice and strain into an Old-Fashioned glass with fresh ice. Garnish with a cherry.
Cultural History of Alcohol
Jonathan Yardley reviews Drink: A Cultural History of Alcohol by Iain Gately and comments on the fundamental role of alcohol in Western Civilization.
To the ancient Greeks, alcohol was an essential part of a civilized society: “Our word wine derives from their oin, whose consumption was considered to be both one of the defining characteristics of Hellenic civilization and a point of difference between its members and the population of the rest of the world, whom they termed barbaroi, or barbarians.” Rome, “the next great drinking civilization to emerge in the classical world,” was transformed “from a sober society, suspicious of both alcohol and drunkenness, to a major producer, populated with practiced and discriminating drinkers,” and as its empire spread, so too did its permissive attitudes toward alcohol.
Though Christianity is often associated in the popular mind with opposition to alcohol, the historical truth suggests otherwise. . . . [H]oly orders, in particular the Cistercians, played essential roles in the development of sophisticated techniques for making wine and beer, and to this day some beverages are closely identified with their monastic origins.
Yardley seems to gloss over the point that opposition to alcohol is characteristic of a particular strain of Christianity, and the historical truth bears this out quite nicely. That makes the history of alcohol in
Alcohol plays an important role in leisure, and according to Josef Pieper, leisure is the basis of culture. So Gately’s book may deserve a prominent place in the library of culture warriors.
Photo: Whisky Barrels, Invergordon Distillery by foxypar4 (Creative Commons)
The Dark Knight Martini
It’s possible that there is a martini for every occasion. I just don’t understand why having a new occasion requires a new recipe. Clearly I am in the minority.
I believe that the fictional character Bruce Wayne (a/k/a Batman) enjoyed martinis served up by his butler Alfred. I doubt that those martinis, fictional though they may be, contained chocolate liqueur. It’s hard even to imagine Alfred agreeing to make such a thing. It sounds more like a martini for Robin than Batman.
But let’s not be petty. The melodiously named Leslie Fishlock of @bar provides us with an example of American ingenuity and proof that martinis have a special place in the culture.
The Dark Knight Martini
4 fluid ounces chocolate liqueur
3 fluid ounces vodka
1 (1 ounce) square semisweet chocolate, grated
Directions:
In a cocktail mixer full of ice, combine chocolate liqueur and vodka. Shake vigorously and strain into 2 chilled martini glasses. Put on your bat tights and garnish with chocolate shavings.
Try it, and if it doesn’t hit the spot, maybe you can feed it your boy wonder.
Image by Ken30684 - Creative Commons
Martinis for Monkeys
In honor of our simian brothers’ new-found human rights in Spain, I propose a toast to monkeys everywhere, including the fully upright ones. What could be more fundamental than the right to a martini? The “Fuzzy Monkey Martini” comes from Supercocktails.com.
Ingredients:
- Stoli Vodka
- Malibu Rum
- Hiram Walker White Peach Schnapps
- cranberry Juice
Quantities:
- 1 Part/s Stoli Vodka
- 1/2 Part/s Malibu Rum
- 1 Part/s Hiram Walker White Peach Schnapps
- 1 Part/s Cranberry Juice
Blending Instructions:
- Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice, shake, strain into a martini glass, garnish with a pineapple slice
Image by Ken30684 - Creative Commons
Politically Incorrect Martini
In honor of John Wiley Price’s peculiar brand of idiocy, I propose we celebrate this Friday with a racist martini. Since most anything can be labeled racist these days, there’s really no avoiding it.
If you missed it, Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price, with a reputation for grandstanding and bizarre behavior, took offense when fellow Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, referring to a government agency, said, “It sounds like Central Collections has become a black hole.”
Well! Price (who is black) demanded an apology from Mayfield (who is white). Price explained that it’s just like “Angel Food Cake” and “Devil’s Food Cake.” Everyone knows those are racist terms, don’t they?
Now Drinksmixer.com did not ask to be brought into this, and I want to make it clear that I have no reason to think that the fine folks at that site have the slightest inclination toward racism. But then, I never thought Stephen Hawking was a racist either. (Not to mention PBS. Oh, my!) I have friends who prefer to drink White Russians as opposed to Black Russians and never attributed it to racial prejudice. Who knew?
But here it is, in black and white, as it were:
2/3 oz gin
1/3 oz black sambuca
Pour ingredients over ice. Shake gently. Strain into cocktail glass.
And while we’re pushing the envelope, how about another:
4 1/2 oz Absolut vodka
2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
1 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
ice
Combine in shaker. Shake vigorously. Strain into cocktail glass.
I will try these black martinis and toast Ken Mayfield on the occasion, but I still recommend a gin martini, made with Tanqueray and a niggardly dose of Vermouth.
Image by Ken30684 - Creative Commons
Fourth of July Martini
What’s a Fourth of July celebration without a Fourth of July martini?
The Martini Diva, whose handiwork appeared on this site a while back, labored long and hard to come up with this special martini recipe (her patriotism knows no bounds). When our Founding Fathers finished signing the Declaration of Independence and retired to the corner pub, they probably did not imbibe anything quite like this, but they probably didn’t drink a traditional gin martini either. So let’s not worry about authenticity today.
I commend The Martini Diva’s concoction with her greetings:
Happy Independence Day! It’s time for sparklers and firecrackers and a sizzling fresh martini so here’s your recipe card for the July 4th Fireworks Martini!
