Beer Party Launched

The new Coffee Party touts its philosophy: The government is “not the enemy of the people, but the collective expression of our will.”

Could Orwell have crafted a better slogan? Could any statement plead more effectively for acquiescence or appeal to a mindset of appeasement? Were these same people making this argument when Bush was president and Republicans controlled Congress?

Allah Pundit observes too kindly: “I’m getting a distinct ‘beta male’ vibe from this group.

I’m not a member of the Tea Party movement, although I’ve considered joining just as a retort to those who insist on equating them with right-wing militias and attributing to them every act of violence (never mind what Stack’s manifesto actually says). Reading Frank Rich’s columns will make you “beta” in every respect. If his guilt-by-association meme catches on, I want to be sure no one associates me with Rich.

We Texans drink iced tea in copious amounts, and I occasionally indulge in a cup of hot tea (the black variety – none of that fruity stuff).

But tea, like the Tea Party, is optional, whereas coffee is essential. The Coffee Party has no business tainting the good name of that noble beverage. Really, they could have more accurately described themselves with the name of some coffee drink like cappuccino or “skinny cinnamon dolce latte.”

We live in a dangerous world when coffee becomes associated with lefty wackos. Nothing is safe.

So we must start the Beer Party preemptively. We can work out a more detailed philosophy and agenda later. For now, it is enough to ensure that beer will forever be associated with real men and good-hearted women, that it will never be commandeered by some group of effete whiners, and that’s its primary purpose will remain conspicuous consumption.

Beer is the elixir of charity, the path to clear thinking, the promoter of Gemütlichkeit, proof that God loves us, and the antidote to Frank Rich.

Photo by dr_sponge